The joy of a Coen Brothers movie never lies in its plot, but within the offbeat characters who take you along for the ride. Unfortunately, in “Hail, Caesar!” the Coen’s have hitched their wagon to the wrong character.

Set in the glamorous era of Old Hollywood, Josh Brolin plays Eddie Mannix, an executive at Capitol Pictures. Eddie is less of a businessman and more a fixer, the guy you pay to make sure nothing gets in the way of business as usual. When a representative from the Lockheed Corporation (yes, that Lockheed), who is trying to woo him away from frivolous Hollywood, likens him to a ringleader running a circus, Eddie bristles at the comparison but can’t disagree with it either.

Eddie is very much the eye of the storm; he is the one constant throughout all of the problems he has to solve by day’s end. Whether it’s trying to figure out a suitable way to cover up a pregnancy out of wedlock or how to safely pay the ransom of his recently kidnapped marquis star, Eddie is the guy taking us along for the ride. However, this is a guy that feels so guilty about lying to his wife about the smoking habit he just can’t seem to kick that he goes to confession on a daily basis. Needless to say, it’s a far cry from The Dude in “The Big Lebowski” or Marge Gunderson from “Fargo”.

His circus of scandal-inducing stars are far more intriguing than Eddie ever manages to be. It’s a true shame that most clock in single-digit minutes of screen time. It’s not that Eddie is a complete snore, even though I’m sure I’m painting him in that light, but being “interesting” in a Coen Brothers movie is a tall order that he never fills. The rest of the cast is so fantastic and well-placed that we can’t help but wonder what they’re up to when they’re not onscreen.

Scarlett Johansson as a broad who has made her name in Busby Berkley/Esther Williams-like aquatic pictures is a treat, especially when you consider that her most recent roles have her mostly pouting as mysterious superheroes of some sort. Channing Tatum steals the whole movie in a perfectly choreographed Donald O’Connor-esque song and tap dance number. If Hollywood doesn’t give him a musical in the coming years, they’re certainly wasting untapped talent. (Ha. Puns…) Jonah Hill is in this movie for perhaps a grand total of two minutes but just like his character is regarded as “the most reliable man in Hollywood”, Hill ends up giving us not the biggest laugh but certainly the most reliable of the picture.

George Clooney plays on his own image since he is universally agreed upon to be the one guy working in today’s Hollywood that would’ve had an equally successful career in Old Hollywood. His character is a bit gullible, extremely amenable and short-sighted but he’s inoffensive and benefits from being played by an actor as likable and charming as Clooney. However, this movie could’ve really hit a stride if it had been told through the eyes of Alden Ehrenreich’s character, Hobie Doyle.

Hobie Doyle starts off the movie as a singing cowboy who does well in B-movie westerns. He looks good on a horse, can twirl a rope and carry a tune. More importantly, he’s just a really nice and likable guy who wants to do his absolute best. When the studio decides to move him up to the A-list and “rebrand” him as a dramatic actor, he ends up horribly miscast in a film where everyone seems to always be in black tie attire, sipping cocktails in between witty repartee. In him, you see the sparks of a suitable Coen Brothers protagonist, someone who is sometimes over his head but through luck/gumption ends up victorious by the end. This could’ve been a truly star-making turn but I get that the Coens want to make sure that their love letter to Old Hollywood was written in the right way.

If Hobie Doyle had been the protagonist then this movie would be that same old story of a sympathetic naive kid swept up in the shameful Old Hollywood machine, a malevolent force intent on controlling the images and careers of their stars with an iron fist. Innocence be damned! Repeatedly!

However, the Coens don’t want to chastise the machine. No, they are singing their love song to an entire industry, as it truly existed. Flaws and all. There have been plenty of films made about the Golden Age of Hollywood but few that so fully acknowledge and accept its questionable and sometimes downright reprehensible tactics. This is a love that has both eyes open.

Check out my video review below to see me talk to myself more about this movie. Thanks!